OK then. Let’s talk about sex. And for the curious, yes, I mean the act, not the biological classification. Gender is on Thursday. You might think I won’t have that much to say about sex, or that I don’t really have much right to talk about something of which I have absolutely no knowledge. So let’s talk about sex as it relates to asexuality. Let’s be clear here – the asexual attitudes to sex are pretty much as varied as the asexual attitudes towards football. Some of us detest it with a passion. Some of us don’t mind it. Some of us actually rather enjoy it. We just don’t desire it, in the same way sexuals seem to. Let me put it like this. If you offered an asexual the choice between sex and chocolate cake, about ninety percent of us (including most of those who ‘enjoy’ sex) would choose the cake. The rest don’t like chocolate cake.
Let me go a little off topic for a moment here. A few people think I talk about being asexual too much. And, annoying as it is to have to admit, you might have a point. But I am by no means the worst offender. And at least I don’t think of myself as better than you because I’m above the pathetic, disgusting animal instincts that drive you to make complete fools of yourselves in desperate service to your id*. Why do aces do that? Well, the second one is easy to explain. There is something terribly animalistic about the sex drive, and it has an incredible amount of control over sexuals. I cannot think of a single thing that isn’t actually necessary for survival that could have the same amount of sheer animal desire associated with it as sex does for sexuals. Actually, in my case, even food and sleep don’t really match up. But why do so many aces (and it’s not at all all aces, just a fair few) seem to talk about being ace so much?
Well it’s because we do. We think about sex a lot. I’m actually going to use someone else’s words for this:
[This is kind of about asexuality over all, not just this guy.]
Think about how sexual [western] society is. Especially for a guy (as the poster refers to him as he) in which the kyriarchy has this habit of erasing asexual folk, or just referring to them as “people who just can’t get any.”
It may seem like he’s talking about it a lot, but it’s probably nothing compared to the overtly sexual culture around him, so instead of point it out and engaging in an attempt at silencing the dude, maybe listen to his little spiels about asexuality, perhaps and learn more about his marginalized sexuality?
I mean, how annoying would it be if you were homosexual and several heterosexual persons kept reminding you how much you talk about it? Of course, you talk about it. It’s important to you. How many movies are made around homosexuals compared to heterosexuals? And think about how often any asexual persons are featured?
Sometimes we just need to step back and reexamine certain aspects of our privilege, even if it may not seem as such.1
That puts it way, way better than I could (or have). As well as being able to talk about how marginalised we are without sounding like a whiny idiot. Think about it: Do I talk about being ace as much as most of you talk about being heterosexual? Not really. Do I shove it in your faces along with all the disgusting details? Hell no. I’ve actually got to the point where I prefer mixed company, because it’s less likely that we’ll get into a conversation about sex. I have to constantly re-examine what I say, as I’ve mentioned before, because sexuals tend to take things a different way. Asexuality is massively important to me because I am almost constantly aware of how I’m different from most of my acquaintances (although statistically, probably not all of them).
And that’s why we think about our sexuality so much, and might seem to talk about a lot.
Asexuals can, as I said, have sex – to keep a relationship healthy, or because they genuinely enjoy it, and there’s no chocolate cake left***. Asexuals can love people, and we’ll make sacrifices for that love, just like sexuals. But if we don’t want sex, what exactly does asexual love even mean? What makes it distinct from asexual friendship? I’ll talk about that tomorrow.
*That sentence in no way reflects my view by the way. I don’t have a link for that one**, but I’ve heard us aces described as ‘the pinnacle of human evolution’ and even you sexuals described as not being fully human because of your sexual attraction.
**Actually, I do. I’m just choosing not to give it to you, for reasons of my own.
***For the record, I would really, really prefer never to have to.
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