NOTE: The formatting on this post might be a bit funny, because I'm using a spare computer, and therefore wrote it mostly in Notepad.
I was ambushed by a wandering gay Pride parade* yesterday! So I joined it, and now I own a nice, colourful gay pride lei. Along with the other assorted stuff that one seems to end up with whenever one is at a Pride event.
You might think that, for an asexual, it would be entirely natural to be in favour of gay pride. Sex is sex, after all, and looking from the outside, there's not really that much difference between various kinds. And it's true that, at least for me, there's really not any significant difference there. I don't, honestly, care much about little things like the gender of the participents. It's like, if you'll pardon the theft, fighting over which end to open a boiled egg.
But that analysis is an analysis that does make one important assumption - that the asexual in question is in favour of sex at all. One may make no distinction between heterosexual sex and homosexual sex, but that does not preclude one from hating them both equally.
And... well, some people do. It's easy to do. I make no secret at all of the fact that sex is something I find disgusting, and personally, I would not be unhappy at all if it just disappeared. The distinction here is betweren sex negative asexuals, and sex positive asexuals. As the terms suggest, sex positive asexuals think sex is a good thing, and that anyone who wants to have sex should be free to have it without prejudice or judgment. Whereas sex negative is, obviously, the opposite - someone who doesn't like sex**.
Being sex-positive isn't limited to asexuals, of course. Sex positive feminism, for example, is a thing. Sex-negativity, too, happens outside the asexual community***. But it's a lot more prominent in the asexual community, simply because there's more of a debate to be had - if you think sex is disgusting, and you're not sure why people are so interested in it, then, looking from the outside, it would be very easy to misinterpret it as an addiction, and then start thinking of it in terms of drug addiction. Or to just be so bloody annoyed by everyone talking about it constantly that one just wants it to go away. Or to look at all the conflict that happens around sex, and decide that it's really doing more harm than good (you'd think that the last one might be the most sensible of the three reasons to be a sex-negative sexual, but no, actually sex-negative sexuals in general tend to be more divisive about different kinds of sex).
I, personally, am sex-positive. Because, for me, not understanding why something is appealing doesn't mean caring whether or not someone else does it. I mean, I'd appreciate it if they didn't do it in front of me, but that's something that happens pretty rarely, especially if you're trying to avoid it. And... well, I'm not (quite) arrogant enough to think that my own personal preference is very relevant here. For me, sex-positivity is mostly bound up with Liberalism, with viewing people as real people, with whom one has no real right to interfere, unless their actions are harmful. I would hate it if someone told me I had to stop playing Settlers of Catan, and I like Catan a lot less than I think most people enjoy sex. 'It disgusts me' is a terrible reason to say anything is bad. If there's any doubt of this, look at this short list of things that can be (and are) opposed on these grounds: Transsexuals, gay people, coleslaw****.
And frankly, I don't really see that much that might make opposition to sex in any way better than opposition to board games. You might argue that there are, indeed, qualitative differences between the two. And I would, to some extent agree with you. I'm not going to get into all that right now. But what differences there are, I would argue, are really mostly irrelevant. Sex compares more closely to Catan than to Cocaine. It's a bit more dangerous than Catan, admittedly*****. But mostly only if you don't do it safely. And I have this wierd bias towards treating people as responsible adults, who can make their own decisions about risk. This is also why I completely fail to be opposed to hang-gliding, cheerleading, drinking, carving beef, and crossing the road. And at least one of those can actually be dangerous†!
As for talking about it all the time... Yeah, it would be nice if the rest of the population could shut the hell up about this already, but... well, freedom of speech and all that. It's really not that different from people talking about football the whole time. Yeah, it might be a little impolite, if you're in a group with someone who is more interested in carpet lint, or who even finds the conversation rather squicky, but... well, at this point you're moving away from being sex-negative, towards being 'politeness-positive'††.
Also, there are all the problems associated with sex. Fortunately, most of them don't come from the sex itself. They come from things like lying, assult, prejudice and all those various other things that just so happen to already be wrong, even without the sex being involved. So attacking consensual sex between two people just because it's vaguely associated with things which are generally condemned anyway? That sounds counter-intuitive. And really rather unhelpful.
Ultimately, then, being sex-positive is about treating other people as genuine people, as human as oneself, whose preferences are as valid as one's own. In other words, not being an arrogant bastard. Which is something that I think a lot of sex-negative aces could be accused of. At least it's not the last reason to be sex negative - that sex is an animalistic, base thing, and therefore bad, that asexuals, not being saddled with this animalistic desire, are less animalistic, and therefore 'more human' or 'more evolved'. Making them inherently superior. Obviously.
Well, at least it's straightforward in its arrogance?
And, I suppose, I'm asexual. So there is some evidence that asexuals are just way better than the rest of the population.
But yeah, I'm honestly not going to dignify that one with a reply. No. Just... no.
*It genuinely surprised me - I thought is was in about a month.
**There's a bit of a double definition here. Sex negative can either mean someone who doesn't like sex personally because it disgusts them, or someone who actively thinks it's a bad thing. I'm sticking with the latter definition because otherwise it would be possible to be sex positive and sex negative at the same time (it still sort of is, but it's a lot harder). Also because 'repulsed' works fine for the first definition.
***It's a lot less popular, of course. Because it's really kinda dumb.
****OK. Fine. It may just be me who hates coleslaw this much. But it shouldn't be.
*****If your games of Catan involve any risk of death, consider the possibility that you may be doing it wrong.
†I'm not sure, but I think it's the carving beef. It lulls you into a false sense of security.
††I would like to take this opportunity to declare myself broadly in favour of 'manners'. Y'know. In general. It's this kind of bold stance on difficult and important issues that's the reason for half my readership.†††
†††I'm really not sure what the other person comes here for.
